Let’s have a little fun today with the weather. If you’re a Michigander, you know how fun the weather can be. Not only can it change as soon as you’ve looked at a weather report, but it can be three or four seasons in one day. Fun. Always have a jacket handy and an umbrella in the boot of your car. As a full-fledged Michigander, I’m going to get back at it this week. (I seriously wonder if a Michigander wrote “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.”) My apologies to our brilliant weather experts for warping all their lovely terminology.
Let’s start by looking at some of those meteorological terms I’m about to demolish. My main query is: is it partly cloudy or mostly sunny, mostly cloudy or partly sunny? According to the National Weather Service, partly sunny and partly cloudy are the same. There’s a matter of 3/8th to 5/8th’s difference in opaque cloud coverage. Whew. At least, that one is cleared up.
What about broken clouds? How do you break a cloud??? Blow really hard at them? Or what about snow squalls. Are the snowflakes fighting amongst themselves or just making a lot of noise? And then there's freezing rain. Is it just really cold rain? Or is it mild-mannered sleet? Is it frozen or not? Or is it that the weather specialists just can’t decide if it’s rain or sleet? That happens a lot in Michigan – the “can’t decide” bit. Does this thinking run in the same style collusions as ice fog (did you know there was such a thing)? Ice? Fog? Which is it?
Heat index is next. Is this supposed to get us interested in heat? After all, an index is a directory or catalog. Or is the term index used because we need to be guided by the very important rules of survival in severe heat…like in bitterly cold temperatures.
Which brings me to wind chills. The true meaning behind this term is when someone is mad at you and their body language says it…in no uncertain terms.
Of course, polar vortex must follow wind chills. This is a relatively newer term that I kind-of love. It’s very Sci-fi. Not that I love them. Brrr. But isn’t it just a whole bunch of really cold air being pushed down in a southerly direction? Do the polar vortexes move with a whirlpool action?
Remaining in the cold season for a moment – black ice. Really? Black. Ice. Why don’t they call it invisible ice, undistinguishable ice, non-traceable ice, nasty, sneaky ice??? I like nasty, sneaky ice myself.
Flash floods – this one’s over me (pun intended, though perhaps in bad taste). Seriously, I guess this means this is a flood that is over in a flash. If only. We also wish blizzards would be over quickly, but then their definition would be incorrect as a storm can’t be classified as a blizzard unless it lasts for at least three hours. In truth, there’s only one word for blizzard: DQ. Okay, it’s two words Dairy Queen.
Atmospheric pressure – when the air in the room is becoming gradually, decidedly uncomfortable…at a gathering of people. Well, really, that makes some sense as the atmospheric pressure is needed to predict weather events such as precipitation. Another interesting weather term. Is precipitation precipitous? Is that why Michigan’s storms are sometimes quite impulsive?
Doldrums – lethargic, bored, stagnated, depressed. Yes, this is also a meteorological term. There is a series of windless waters around the equator called the Inter-Tropical Conversion Zone. Ships often got stuck (pre-motors), and sailors referred to the area as the doldrums.
Tropical storm. Ok, this one is logical, so we’ll leave it alone, but tropical depression? How sad can a storm get? And isn’t it opposite of what is happening – a building up of a storm. Or are these storms trying to decide (there’s the deciding factor again) if they have enough energy to become a full-blown storm?
Haze. Now this one is interesting. I’m not getting silly with this one, because I found I'd forgotten the details about haze. It isn’t a thin layer of fog that hovers over a city. It happens when large amounts of fine, dry particulate matter (such as dirt) are suspended in the air. The particles scatter the light and gives our lower atmosphere a cloudy look.
I’ll throw a few more out randomly here for fun:
Wintery mix: cauliflower and broccoli frozen together in a plastic bag...or is it a fancy drink?
Drought – do you drought me when I say I know very little about the weather?
Microburst: when food explodes in the microwave.
Wind shear: when you get a haircut with a fan blowing on you to get the right effect.
Relative humidity: when your relatives are sweaty.
Dew point: a drop of dew resting on the point of a blade of grass.
Last but not least: Smog. Isn’t that Bilbo Baggins’ dragon? Los Angeles probably thinks There’s a dragon hazing up the place when their smog level is high.
Partly cloudy or mostly sunny? You can choose which you prefer, but I’m an optimist, so I’m going with mostly sunny! 😊
Stayed tuned for next week's blog when I share the real meaning to some of this sometimes fascinating terminology. This planet is amazing.
I love this!!!