For many of us, it takes a long time to learn to just be ourselves and not worry about what others think of us (and some of us never learn! (Oh, blast, my hand is in the air as if I’m one of them, errr…slapping it down). If we do learn the lesson, it tries to creep back in like a stealthy, creeping, choking, strangling vine. Before you know it, we’re afraid to wear our favorite pair of rubber ducky boots. AFRAID!! To wear a colorful pair of boots!!!
Ridiculous, isn’t it?
But the “stealthy, creeping, choking, strangling vine” part sounds pretty serious, yes? It can be, if we have a big problem with it (especially with all the bullying going on these days – and forever). Let's take people who see criticism in someone’s face, yet that person isn’t even thinking about them let alone judging them. This misperception stops people from trying new things, pursuing dreams...dressing in quirky styles. It also drains energy and makes it even harder to move forward on the path we’d like to take but are afraid to take in fear of what others will think. Just think of the fun we are missing!! Rubber ducky boots, pink trench coats, zebra stripped hats… (This is starting to make me think of that lady with the allegator purse, lol. We need some common sense here! And possibly an alligator purse…and some pizza!!)
Back to seriousness: We need to recognize that it will happen; people will criticize and judge us, sometimes cruelly. It is helpful to learn to choose not let other's opinions affect us for any longer than it takes to evaluate whether or not we need to take any of it seriously and how to apply it in a positive way if we feel it is necessary. Then it becomes about us and what we can do for ourselves and not about another person’s opinion. I/you are the only person who can change myself/yourself – and decide what needs to be changed.
Take negative comments/opinions as a potential self-exam rather than as an attack. Have a response ready like, “Thank you. I’ll give it some thought.” If it is an attack, it might well cause the attacker to pause and leave you alone to ponder it. If it isn’t an attack, but some well-meaning comments (and they may keep on “well-meaningly” talking; be patient), then the outcome is the same. We can turn it around to our own benefit, if there is some truth in it, or let it go once we’ve considered it doesn’t apply to us. It will be easier to work on our insecurities/issues and on what we want to change in ourselves if we don’t react badly. We will feel better about ourselves and care less about what others think while moving forward in creating who we are, not who they think we should be.
If you do need to "redirect" someone (out of your space), “Pick your battles.” If someone thinks the loud green, red and yellow patterned jumper we have on is ugly, or the wallpaper in our kitchen is horrendous – if we like them, it doesn’t matter. These are mere preferences. No battle there. There is no need to hang on to their opinions. However, if someone tells us we have an anger problem, we may want to take a close look at our behavior. This type of issue would be worth evaluating long enough to see if we need to learn a better way of dealing with life and people – for our own happiness as well as the people in our lives. Whether a comment given is true or false in our eyes, we don’t have to battle the person bringing it to our attention – it generally doesn’t get us anywhere anyway. This is the battle: understanding ourselves and endeavoring to be a better “me,” so we can be a freer, happier “me”. Everyone around us will then have nothing to complain about…maybe. (That's a pretty big maybe, lol.)
So, let us not be critical of one another and remember that trying to change others generally leads to more trouble and heartache. Let’s endeavor to improve ourselves and speak only what needs to be said when others need help – with love, kindness, gentleness and patience. And let's QUIT allowing others' opinions to hinder our growth and our fun!
(Necessary medical pro-action or prevention situations are different. There are times when we need to step in and help someone who is unable to help themselves. That is a different topic altogether.)
This granddaughter is a hero in the "dress for yourself, however you want!" Ain't nobody gonna tell her what she can and can't wear!
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