During the winter when we were kids, some of my siblings and I would go behind the grapevine arbor to this hollow that lay between trees and buildings. When the snow swirled in, it would fill up that hollow and we would try to wade through that waist-to-chest-high snow and pretend it was quicksand. It was awesome fun. I vaguely remember pulling each other out as if it were real quicksand. We could have been Oscar winning actors if we'd chosen acting as a career.
When I was thinking about this memory recently and about shows where I’d seen people being pulled out of real quicksand (or fake quicksand for the safety of the actors), another thought came to mind. If we were hiking and we came across someone sinking in quicksand, we would try and save them, right? From a safe distance, of course.
Visualizing a sinking person (no actual quicksand now, just metaphorical quicksand) who we see is suffering and may need help, are we willing to reach out to them? With hugs, letting them talk it out (with no immediate advice from us), doing menial tasks like cleaning their house with them, checking into the problem for options for the suffering person to get help, or just letting them know that we’re here, if they need us (and being sincerely willing to help if they ask for it)?
There is another side to this quicksand visual, and that is when the person pulling the “drowning” person out also begins to sink and now both are on a slow ride to being smothered. Or the drowning person is saved, but not strong enough to pull their rescuer out if they got in too far during the rescue mission. Which could end up with both people sinking into the murky depths. When we are offering help, we need to be aware of the strain it could potentially put on ourselves and recognize that the person may need a crane and not two arms. (And some people would rather pull a rescuer in with them to share their misery than to climb out of it.) In which case, it’s best to look up some phone numbers and suggest a call to the professionals or at least someone who is strong enough to be of real aid. Think of a big-muscled weightlifter and a five-year-old child. Who do you think could successfully pull someone out of quicksand? We are all at different stages in our lives and sometimes we're like a strong weightlifter and other times we're like that five-year-old. Unable or not knowledgeable enough to be of real help.
Some of us are not always adept at seeing a person who is suffering. And some people are great at hiding their suffering. It’s okay if we miss it. Sometimes we have just enough to keep ourselves afloat. But if we can see the undercurrents, maybe we can just smile and talk and laugh and ever so gently pull them out of it for a bit. Be a light of joy in their darkened misery. Sometimes that’s enough to keep them from feeling alone and from drowning for a couple hours or days or even weeks.
If we are able to help, we should consider doing what we can. If it’s beyond our capabilities, we should try to steer the person to the best resource. We have enough of our own troubles; there’s no point in sliding down into someone else’s pit of slowly sinking quicksand and snuffing out our own light. A beacon of light can draw them out without the source being extinguished. Smiles, caring, hugs, gifts, little tasks, being kind no matter what their attitude...these are strong beacons of great worth.
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