All the grandparents I know, including myself, are full of unequivocable joy when we cradle those babies, hold a child on our laps, or take the little hand that rises to meet ours. A wee finger curling naturally around our finger, laughter that causes our hearts to melt and often bursts a laugh out of us, or the delight of watching them achieve even the smallest goal – they are all blessings that enrich our lives.
Once the little ones are old enough to run around, grandparents’ laps are not as exciting – although they still need an occasional hug or a “sit and cuddle”. Thankfully, there are other blessings with them as they get older. Wonderful chats, trips to explore different places; the older they are the more interesting the places you can take them. As grandparents we get to enjoy these children without having to be their primary source of discipline. Unless for some reason we have to raise them, we can rightfully treat them as SPECIAL.
Whip cream and sprinkles on their waffles, all their favorite foods, little candies in our shirt pocket ready for them to pluck out (that was my husband), dragging every toy in the house out at once, going to the park whatever time of day, trips to play mini-golf – you get the picture. Spending time with them. At home or out of the home. These are our grandparent “duties”. Listening to them when they want to talk, showing them what’s out there, teaching them what you know. It’s okay to treat them like they’re special because it builds their self-esteem, their confidence, and enriches their souls.
Mom and dad will always be “it” – their primary safe place, their “go to” people – unless they need a different ear – or they want something that mom and dad are saying “no” to. And that is one of the times when the real responsibilities as grandparents come in to play – no matter how hard it is to say "no". Grandparents get to aid the process by helping the children see their potential as a person, but that includes encouraging their relationship with their parents by supporting the parents when possible or necessary for the child’s good. We don’t want to spoil them "rotten" and cause grief for the parents who are striving to build character in them, because in the long run it will cause more life-long grief for the children. This isn't a competition on who the children love best. They can love us all – each in our own role!
Children need some boundaries (rules) to feel safe. We can mingle the “treating them special” with certain character-building structures. They also need to know they are not always going to get their way – because in adult life, they won’t. If they learn that early, they won’t have as much trouble accepting it and knowing how to adjust to situations or creating a new plan when those times come about. They do need people in their lives they can count on to back them or save them when the need arises. And they need people to teach them how to accept as well as offer help, how to live, to dream, to succeed. The adage, “It takes a village” is so true. Children need different people and different relationships in order to learn to be more multifaceted, unprejudiced; basically, to be who they need to be without cutting other people from their need to be who they are.
For instance, young children are generally loving and accepting and don’t notice people as being different because of infirmities, etc., and we ought to help that process by praising them for their kindnesses and encouraging them to remain open and loving to all people when the world begins to teach them the opposite (to judge, fear, or hate people who are different). Love children unconditionally, specially, so they learn to love others in that manner as well. We adults are children’s examples – especially parents.
Do keep in mind that we don’t have to be a blood relation to be part of a child’s life. We can still be part of that “village”. Whether we are a friend, teacher, doctor, or neighbor, our behavior can speak volumes when we react to something that’s going on in our lives or theirs. Every little thing or action can alter a child (or person’s) perspective on people or life.
(Try to notice those who haven’t been blessed with children and/or grandchildren, and if possible, share your kids/grandkids with them. They might just make an excellent addition to that “village”.)
I loved watching our children grow and seeing what they would do with their lives. Now we’re watching our grandchildren grow, blossom and “be”. Children are a lot of work and expense, but the joy we receive from them makes for treasures beyond measure!
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