A little while ago, I came across two Facebook posts about when we’re feeling broken. You know, like when we’re being so emotionally or physically challenged, it feels like we’re dropping parts of ourselves all over the place. All we want to do is panic (or die), and we are positive we can’t be put back together. One of the posts had some great advice to those of us who want to help others who are going through a broken phase. It said we shouldn’t try and put the pieces back the way we want them to be. In fact, we shouldn’t put them back together at all. It’s not our job to put them back in place. I read once on how baby eagles have to break their shells by themselves to get out of their egg. If someone helps them, they won’t be strong enough to survive once they’re out. I suspect this is at least part of the mentality of the point being made about not trying to fix others’ brokenness. If we don’t participate in the process of rebuilding ourselves, it's unlikely we can be rebuilt in a healthy, lasting way. We have to choose the path, push our way through the brambles, and walk it. If someone else opens up or cuts down the brambles for us, we won't have the skills to tackle the next roadblock. (What?!! Brambles are good?!! Don't they have thorns!!!?)
The author then said we should lay down next to the broken person. This picture is awesome in its tenderness and caring and, in some cases, necessary; to quietly let a broken person know we care and are by their side – without words. But I do think there are times when we can help people rebuild – not rebuild people – by holding them up with hugs, encouragement, tasks they need help with, etc., and sometimes just by holding them. A touch for many of us can go a long way to healing and support. Don’t crowd them (be over-affectionate or chatty) or touch someone you know, or feel, isn’t comfortable with physical touches or can’t deal with them during this time. We can be near – or far, if they need a little time and space. Ask them first if they want a hug or if you can hold their hand. If they can’t even nod their head, try placing a finger or two on their hand. If they collapse by a touch, they might need that hug or a covering hold of their hand. Go slow no matter how much you want to hold them to love them. Some people are not touchy people; their love language might be giving and receiving gifts or doing for others (see The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman). In these situations, it’s not about you and what you need; it’s about them and what they need.
The other Facebook post I saw was a conversation between a person who believed they were breaking apart and God. The person was freaking out, sure there would soon be nothing left of them. But God tells him/her that they are only shedding the unnecessary, the “selfish”, the world-warping (greed, fear…) aspects in him/her. And what’s left is who he/she was meant to be: a caring, whole person. It’s the kind of post that brings tears to the eyes and a new perspective to the mind.
If we look at brokenness as a “bad” thing instead of a shedding and growing opportunity, we will suffer much longer and harder and may never fully rebuild our hearts. But – and I know it can be tough! – if we look at trials and brokenness as a chance to see things different, to grow, to build on a new platform, to shed the bad, the ugly, the commercialism, the negative personality traits and behavior patterns – we can become (As God said in the conversation)! Shedding negative influences and morphing and fully letting go of them lets us become who we really are. Choose to see the bumps in the road as opportunities to stop or slow down, to take time to mature, to change perspectives, to heal and to be a better person on the other side of it.
I found it gratifying that it appeared to be the same author who wrote both bits; one secular and one God appealing, but then I believe wisdom, God’s or otherwise, is attainable and sharable in many ways, and God can use anything and everything to help us and to spread His message of love to the world. In a Christian perspective or a secular perspective, either way, it is great advice. Let's not panic, let's drop the unnecessary stuff, and let's move on to who we really are. We can do it!!
I couldn't find the secular bit as it's been a while since seeing it, but if you'd like to read the Godly one it is called: Become! Become! Become! by John Roedel
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