History repeats itself time and again. (You’d think mankind would learn!!!) Fertilizer happens. (Okay, I’ll type it: “shit” happens.) Although a lot of our problems come from decisions we make or paths we take, we do all get rained on by governmental or social directives, our hearts trampled by other people, our self-confidence beaten up, our souls forever battered (am I overdoing it poetically-speaking?), and we either learn to swim or we sink, climb or slide, rise above or fall into the mire of depression or madness (that’s, averagely speaking, anxiety and panic attacks for those who don’t know it). We fall apart or we progress onto better things. Yes, better. Because the one thing about adversity is that if you can get through it without a heart of bitterness (maybe a little broken and needing some healing, but wholehearted) you’re so much stronger on the other side – and you can build on that strength in future trials. The trick is to remember your walk is your walk and to let any unforgiveness go, or you’ll be stronger and bitter. Stronger in a hardhearted way. Not a pleasant finale for a recipe. (I’m picturing a quiche that’s too hard and too bitter to eat.)
One of my son’s shared a story with me recently that his father-in-law told him. “There was a man with a donkey. The donkey fell in a well. The man tried several different things, but he couldn't get his donkey out. He went and got some of his friends to help. The friends deliberated for a while and finally said, we’ll just have to bury it. They start dumping sand in the well until the donkey is knee deep. The donkey shakes off the sand and steps up on it. The friends keep throwing handfuls of sand into the well and the donkey keeps shaking it off and stepping on top of it, until it steps out of the well. The moral of the story: every time dirt is dumped on us, we need to shake it off and step a little higher.
Sometimes it’s not that simple, of course. Sometimes, it’s hard. Really hard. To let go, to shake off, to heal from the hurtful, damaging things “dumped” on us. But we need to do what we’ve got to do to survive, and then hopefully to thrive again. If you need help, get help. Talk to a good friend – someone you trust to be confidential and not judgmental. If you need a counselor to help you spill off some of that heavier sand and gain some life coping skills – do it! Find your healing niche; go jogging, pray, listen to music, take time to relax and un-think the burdens placed on you by others. You are important. You are worthy of life. You can say “no” to people, if you need to. You can climb and learn and be something more. Some of the best moments in life are when we accomplish something – one step at a time – which enables us to gain ground and confidence, and then we get to look back and see how far we have come. Usually, it’s much further than we think. Funny, how our brains lie to us, make us think we are not doing enough, not being enough, not good enough, not getting anywhere…
The interesting thing about fertilizer/shit is that while it appears to be one of the worst, smelliest things on the planet, it feeds the soil and creates new, stronger growth. See the dumps in your life as more than they appear. See them as an opportunity to grow, to become stronger – even if you suspect they’ll be an uphill struggle. Build on the sand/shit that dumps on you – no matter who or what dumps it on you. Shake off the "crap" that you can’t control, the rudeness, callousness, carelessness, jealous acts, etc., etc., etc. Don’t let it bring you down and control the happiness that is in you. Don’t let it smother or own you, and thus dictate who you are. Rise above it and build on it. Make it your foundation to be a better you, not a bitter, broken you, so you can continue to climb your hill and see your sunrises and sunsets with a joyful, clear heart and unfiltered eyes.
~*~
Below is a list of things we can do to help retrain our brains to respond positively to the negative in our lives. If something in particular jumps out at you, chances are that’s a good place to start. Write it down and purposely do it when you’re feeling negative, down, or anxious/stressed. And remember that exercise and sunshine are great for our mental health, so get out for a daily walk or some yardwork as much as possible.
Ways to redirect our negative thoughts:
Hang out with positive people.
Meditate (pray) or do yoga.
Smile more!
Change your negative to positive (instead of saying, “this will be hard to do”, say “this is an opportunity to find a solution.” Instead of “I can’t do this”, try “what’s the best way I can do this”).
Get rid of the victim mentality – you are not stuck! take responsibility for the direction you’re going – even mini steps will help.
Help someone else – it goes a long way in taking the focus off ourselves and our problems and making us feel good at the same time.
Remember you are not perfect.
Sing! it relieves stress (the source of these suggestions says the words are part of what helps because they pull out our emotions, but I think we can hum or whistle as well, especially if we love the song, but can’t remember the words – whatever gives us joy).
Be grateful – take the time to make a list of at least five things you’re glad about your life.
Read positive quotes, posts, poems, etc.
Primarily taken from Michelle Uy in tiny buddha
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