Last week my grandparents’ house, this week…somehow it slowly became OUR house. Dear grandma and grandpa… Who, us?
You hold your hand out to a three-year-old to cross a street and he takes it unquestioningly. And it’s almost breathtaking that they trust you, maybe even need you. You watch over the years as the little hand grows into a man’s hand, putting his hands to different tasks that the little hand could not do. And, bit by bit, their lives go another direction. They still love you, but they have their own lives to lead. Schools, jobs, marriages, children–
Another grandchild, when she comes to visit, always runs up to you excitedly and says, “Grandma, grandma, grandma!” Oh, the joy in hearing it!! And the day she stops – is the inevitable day she is growing up and becoming more independent, not needing the adults in her family as much. And though this is necessary for her to mature and be able to function as an adult when the day she leaves to live on her own occurs, it's still rather sad for us.
Being a grandparent is not so different from being a parent in some ways (except it’s a bit harder to bend over for that little hand and stay bent to cross the street). We grandparents are just in the spectator’s seat most of the time. You watch in wonder as these little ones grow each year. How tall will they be? What kind of person will they be? What career/job will they settle in? Will they know the joy of parenthood and perhaps grandparenthood? Each year, they are more knowledgeable, more active on their own, more capable. And one year, you realize they know more than you! Academically and technologically speaking. They won’t have the experience of living that we older adults have, but they are in the midst of their studies and have a lot of knowledge fresh in their heads – and some of that is new knowledge that has only come out in the past few decades. We’ve stored a lot of the original, as well as ongoing, studies in the far reaches of our minds and often can’t collect it. And that’s as it should be as well. We are retiring or sliding toward retirement. We ought to stay up to date on issues, but we don’t necessarily need the history, geometry, algebra, etc. to be at the forefront of our knowledge. (Some of you are laughing snidely and thinking, did we ever need algebra and geometry? Some of us did! And some of you are thinking, did anyone pay attention in history class?! Doesn't mankind ever learn to not make the same mistakes?! I'm with you there!)
So, we start out holding their hands, guiding, loving, and caring for those little ones who bring us so much joy. We continue to watch those little boy’s hands grow, and the joyful little girl who spends her joy in many other arenas outside of us. And time passes and they are standing in their graduation gowns and caps, and we can’t believe they are about to leave their parent’s domain and thus ours as well. But arrows in a bow must eventually depart. Otherwise, what is their purpose? Unless family hardships or other factors make it impossible to leave, in which case, they continue to grow in their surroundings. We all have to make that choice at some point in our lives. Not all of us get to wander out into the world. For some of us, our territory is in our roots. And that is also good for those of us who make that choice or have to make that choice due to circumstances. The arrow still shoots them into adulthood, just not far from their home. Some of their experiences will be different from the college or world bound, but, ultimately, we are all just wandering the planet, living, loving and learning wherever we are.
The awesome thing about grandchildren (and children) is that one day in the future after they have gained some of the experience of living, the little hand that took yours and then became large, will one day take your hand again in love and in the joy of remembering who you are to them. The joyful “Grandma, grandma, grandma!” child will one day remember how much she loved you – in fact, never stopped loving you – and she will hug you as big as ever and maybe even need you again. Just in a different way.
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