My family could very well be chuckling over my title, as our grandfather called his grandchildren “coots”. Which we, as adult grandchildren, flipped on him and called him an “old coot” in return. Like our grandmothers – if we were fortunate enough to have them still living in our lifetime – don’t we all have some pretty special memories of our grandfathers? In their gardens, or at work, or in hunting clothes, or playing cards or games with us, or many other manner of things that grandpas do/did.
I think the best kind of grandpa has to be the kind that you can sit on their lap when you’re any age. Well, as long as he’s not too old to sit on. Having said that, the picture I inserted below is a picture of one of those moments when our seventeen-year-old granddaughter sat on her grandpa’s lap. She was the first of our grandchildren, and she’s given us many wonderful and fun times, chats, and even grandpa’s present and ongoing nickname. When she was just learning to talk, she couldn’t say grandpa. The best she could do was “dumpa”. One of our daughters was in town visiting when this was happening and did her best to make it stick – it is rather funny. It didn’t take. Fast forward about thirteen years and dummy, grandma, tells the granddaughter the story of her struggles at saying grandpa. Needless to say, she was delighted and this time the nickname did stick. (If you look at his t-shirt in the picture, you'll see she bought him a shirt with "# Dumpa" on it.) So grandpa is now frequently called Dumpa. Unless the youngest granddaughters happen to be visiting. Then it’s possible you’ll hear someone refer to Dumpa as Grandpa No Hair. (Do you remember last week’s explanation of Grandma Longhair? Grandpa No Hair stems from that as gramps doesn’t have so much hair anymore.)
There is something truly special about a child’s eyes all lit up when a treasured grandparent enters the room (especially when it’s accompanied by “Grandma, grandma, grandma!” But this is grandpas' turn). Your heart just warms up. If this grandma goes over to see our local grandboys, and gramps is not with her, their eyes light up, but when they realize gramps isn’t there, the smiles fade a bit. “Where’s grandpa?” or “Where Ga-Ga?” Pure, sweet disappointment. That’s a special grandpa.
Of course, there’s a reason kids like the grandparents so much – ice cream pretty much every day of every visit, special toys, more leeway in many things…but grandpas. Let me tell you about grandpas. When one of my sons was young, his grandparents took him with to go to the grocery store. Grandpa and grandson stayed in the car. When grandma walked out of the store, she heard a car horn being honked repeatedly. She couldn’t believe it when she realized that grandpa was letting the grandson honk the horn. As she told me later, “He never would have let his kids do anything like that.”
The thing is, grandparents are an important piece of a child’s upbringing (it takes a village!). While it isn’t always the best emotionally and physically for grandparents to raise the grandchildren (or even babysit full time), on a regular (weekly) basis, grandparents can be essential to their wellbeing. Grandparents give the little ones a sense of security, because they’re someone they can trust, who is on their side, and who comforts them. Grandparents provide stability, safety, wisdom and fun, especially since the elders often have more spare time than parents. They can give them that precious commodity: time, which can give the child a sense of worth.
This is a two-way street, too, because grandparents also benefit from regular time with the little ones. That special bonding improves metal health and can also boost brain function. The more bonding moments, the lower the likelihood of depression for the aging adults. And if the closeness remains when the grandchildren are adults, it protects against depression for both grandparents and grandchildren (Boston University June 2016 study). [These relationships can also be non-grandparental relationships with the same results.]
Parents have the tough job of raising children, showing them how to get on in the world, how to act, to give them rules and consequences. And while grandparents should support the parents and also have some rules of their own in place, it’s good for children to have people in their lives who spoil them a little, make them feel special. To have the presence of people they have a special relationship with that sometimes includes a little freedom in a safe environment will help build character, confidence, and joy.
Five important things grandparents can teach their grandchildren:
Teach children to love reading – by reading to them and letting them read to you when they are able, and even by letting them see you read your own books.
Teach kids a skill. Knitting, gardening, drawing, bird watching, fishing, carpentry...
Teach kids about family. Pass on the family history and the family stories.
Teach kids good manners. Please & thank you! You first!
Teach kids good values. They help us determine what is important to us, how we act, how we treat ourselves and others. General guidelines for conduct.
This is what a really cool grandpa looks like:
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