It is amazing how much you can get out of a picture, especially when you start with one theme and you accidentally create another theme, which starts to bubble over – thus a second blog (my blogs are already long enough!). So, carrying on with the window theme from last week–
Some of us live in solid fortresses like castles with moats and arrow slots, fearful and ready to defend our position; determined to remain intact. Some of us live in make-believe fortresses; we think we are protected and safe when in truth we are vulnerable to any attack and fall at the first arrow that flies. Some of us live with clear boundaries; we know who we do and do not want coming near and how close they can come, and we respect other’s boundaries. Then there are those with few or no boundaries who get into others' space and assume that everyone is as “friendly” and open as they are; they want to be BFFs with everyone.
I will consider my own soul’s window first. I am a logical optimist, which means that as a rule I am going to be a bit vulnerable because I like to think the best of people, and I’m willing to love and be loved, but logic (and sometimes God) presses in to protect me from those I don’t know well enough or don’t trust enough to “spill my guts to”.
Some people are going to have bars across their soul-windows, not just to keep others out, but to keep themselves in. It is a safer way to live, I’m sure, but likely lonely and possibly overrun by briars and brambles. (I expect could use a few of those bars myself!)
Those of us who live with clear boundaries should be the safest and most content, but we might treat everyone else according to the boundaries we have in place for ourselves. This is not all bad; except that other people have a right to choose what boundaries work for them – and they might be stricter or more lenient than what we’ve set up for ourselves.
The people without boundaries are probably the most vulnerable people. They may not know it; they may just love being around people and not realize they are at risk or when they are overstepping someone’s comfort zone. In some ways, I think these folks must be happier than the rest of us, but these are the folks that are living in make-believe fortresses and hanging out the window waving at everyone, and when the arrow flies after getting too close to the wrong person, they are hit full in the heart.
Of course, I may not know what I’m talking about. This did start with a photo of a window looking out of a castle. (And I would have to say, I’ve put myself in all of these scenarios over the years.) But I’ll carry on–
How much protection do we need to set up around ourselves? How stringent should our boundaries be? It depends a lot on how comfortable or flexible we can be with others. But when it comes to loving and being with “our” people – or even acquaintances or strangers – we may want to learn to ease up and be a little vulnerable, so we can connect with people. Or, depending on what level we are at, learn to not push people for information or reactions or friendship and don't stand too close to them when we sense they may be st
anding straight or back from us. Being sensitive to another human being’s needs or status can make for some wonderful conversations and connections. (I know! sometimes it’s hard to crack our innate tendencies!)
Be kind but careful of those you don’t feel you can trust or who’s history is sketchy. Be sensitive and courteous to those who appear “held back”, be willing and perhaps a little more open to those with few boundaries (you’ll likely make their day!), and you could make some lifelong, irreplaceable friendships. Be ready to open your window wide and experience life, but be careful who you jump out for – and do not have your cannon poised to go off.
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