This is part III on my aging probe; I've had some fun with it the past two weeks, but this week is more of an understanding of the emotional side of the maturing years.
The older we get, the more exposed we get, the more we know we don’t know much at all – and the more we wish we’d known so much more when we were young. We are sure we would have done a number of things more effectively and/or made better choices – now that we know the outcome of at least the choices we did make. We understand how beautiful life can be – if we take the time to stop and see it. We also understand that although there is bad in the world, there is also good. And all this wisdom and knowledge comes when we are slowing down to an inevitable stop.
Many of our elderly HAVE to stop; they are forced to sit still and look around them – in a bed or in a chair, it doesn't matter. It is seldom, if ever, a choice. Hopefully, they try to look at the good things, because sitting in a chair day after day – think about that for a moment: sitting in a chair day after day after day after day – waiting for the end has to be tough, but with a negative outlook, it must be so much worse, sadder, angrier– Being grateful for what we can squeeze out of wherever we are makes life a lot more livable and even joy-filled.
My example last week was of a fairly young gal who was hit by a falling tree and paralyzed. Her first words after being told of her condition were, “Well, if God thinks He can use me better in a wheelchair, I can live with that.” For decades, she has struggled physically every single day, but her faith and her joyful attitude has never wavered. She didn’t make it about what happened to her, but about how she could use it to better the world around her. She appreciated having life – however it was still hers to live.
That leads me to another difficult trial as we are aging. One of the toughest parts of becoming older is that you are in the “era of good-byes”. Not only do you realize you yourself are getting nearer to saying your own goodbyes from the earth, but one by one those your age, older than you, and some younger than you – siblings, cousins, friends, parents, if you still have them – are dying. A deeper sense of appreciation for everyone in your life grows in you, but it can come when the time we have left to spend with them is getting shorter every day. Or the ability to get around is diminishing – that armchair or wheelchair is calling – and we can’t go visiting. We can only hope someone will come to visit us.
The past two weeks, I dealt with the pain that takes over as we age and how hard it is to accept our aging – to see it. Truthfully, I have only hit on bits and pieces of aging, but I hope I've given a sense of both the strength and the fragility of the minds of people who are slowly adding the later years on.
To young people I say: you may not be able to understand these stages yet, but if you are reading this, maybe it can help you on your own path to recognize what counts sooner in your lives and also to understand older people’s suffering, or why they are crabby, sad, a loner (pain, loss, frustration, fear…) and help you to be more loving to them despite their behavior. Sitting in a chair looking at the grass taking over your flower gardens or watching endless T.V. shows or reading scads of books may seem like bliss to you if you are crazy busy right now, but being unable to walk or run or clean your house or even yourself is humbling and severely frustrating. Be kind. Include them in your family gatherings or take some of the gatherings to them. Visit whenever you can. They won’t be around forever – maybe tomorrow they’ll be gone.
To everyone I say: Keep moving as much as possible. Don’t be still and stagnate. Eyes forward. Body in motion. And Love. Love. Love. Time is running down no matter what age we are. Learn to appreciate everyone and everything you have NOW. Before you’re at the tail end of life and have few options and potentially few people left. If you make the bonds now, there might be more loved ones sitting beside you giving you their precious, fully packed time. Build your relationships on both sides of the age spectrum, and I know what the busy life is like, but don’t let your loved ones – or anyone – fade alone.
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