When I think of childhood Thanksgivings, there are two memories that tend to jump up at me. The first one was a play one of us wrote – or perhaps it was collectively written. It was based on the thanksgiving meal; literally. Our acting parts were the food. Turkey, potatoes, cranberries…all the basic foods came to life that year. I remember it was cute; I also remember that someone wasn’t pleased at being a certain food. (Yam, perhaps? Kids don’t usually like yams. Most kids don’t like cranberries either, but at least they’re a pretty color.) It’s very interesting to note what we remember with a fair amount of clarity and what we don’t. I do remember having fun doing the play, so if I was the one who didn’t like my part, I wouldn’t say that’s why I remember it. Perhaps it was the first play I had a part in and that’s why I remember it.
The other strong memory I have is going to my grandparents’ house. The air was crisp and very cold and there was a light snow on the ground. I’m guessing winter hit early that year and it was the first snow – or the first snow that stayed. Why that Thanksgiving stays with me, I’m really not sure, but I recall the house was warm, the long table in the long farm kitchen full, the food was good, and the company better. And there were grandpa and grandma’s baked beans. I got that recipe when I was an adult and am often asked to make them for our "potluck" Thanksgiving dinners. Bringing them to the autumn feast makes me think of them and the way they wrapped them in towels and put them in a box to transport them once my mother took over preparing the Thanksgiving dinner. Those beans always add to the feeling of blessings we have on Thanksgiving Day - or any other time I make them. Maybe it was the last year grandma and grandpa hosted Thanksgiving, and that’s why it stuck with me.
The changing of the guard is sometimes as simple – or as hard – as knowing when it’s time to hand over the hosting and cooking to the next generation. And that might mean just accepting lots of help to pull it off. If you’re at that point, let it be a relief, not a burden – no matter how hard it is for you to let go. Because it usually is hard to let go of our traditions, including our turn to host. Grandma and grandpa’s house is special. No one really wants to let it go. On the other hand, don’t force grandma & grandpa into giving it up unless it’s necessary for their health. In fact, help them keep the tradition until it’s truly time for them to let go. The need to be needed is in us until we die, but in their hearts – or bodies – they will know when it’s time to pass the torch and will hopefully gracefully let it go if someone else is able to take it up. Give them the time to know and let go. Since we’re talking about Thanksgiving, that might be a good place to consider letting go of the reins if you need to. Let’s remember the whole point of the holiday. If the body or energy has worn down and the next generation is willing and able to take it on, let’s be grateful for the blessing of those willing. Let’s remember there are people in the streets, cold and hungry who would love a warm meal in a warm home. Our attitude has a lot to do with how we handle what’s coming at us. If our focus is on our preference, loss, or aggravation, we’ll be less able to see the blessings that are also available. Less able to see that the trials and changes in life are necessary to move us to a new plain of living, a new perspective on ourselves and our life (dang, that’s hard sometimes!) – allowing ourselves to mature gracefully and to let others have their turn to live or host or whatever. Seek to find something good in your life every day and keep it in your mind as your day evolves. I expect you’ll be happier all around.
Thanksgiving – from turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy to baked beans and cranberries – whatever your traditions have been, it’s a family day, but also a quiet day of reflection (perhaps the tryptophan in the turkey?). A prayer or good thoughts of thanksgiving for all our blessings and loved ones, followed by food and possibly a football game or a game of charades – if we’re not all falling asleep on the sofas. Whether you go around the table and take turns saying something you’re thankful for or you just dive into the feast, it is a special day that reminds us to be grateful for what we do have, instead of being frustrated by what we don’t have. Whether you have many worldly riches and/or lots of love in your life, may your hearts be full of as much thankfulness as your stomach would be with a full turkey dinner with ALL the dressings this holiday weekend – and onward.
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